As a person in my mid-7th decade of life, I am also somewhat of an experiential authority on sex (what a surprise), having found the mating habits of human beings a source of endless fascination to me for most of my post-pubescent life. But unlike so many of my contemporaries (who simply go belly-up (no humorous allusions intended, but it is appropriate!) when they retire and docilely wait for the Grim Reaper to make his rounds), I am also somewhat of an aesthete and fitness buff who has made a conspicuous effort to remain not just hale & healthy, but physically toned. [It helps that I am a retired medical person who early-on recognised that maintaining fitness is a life-long, unrelenting commitment that requires a substantial measure of self-discipline and hard work.]

That shared, sex still remains a very important part of my life and although not a betting man, I'd wage even money on the fact that Mr. Browning was not referring to the human sex act when he famously penned the stanzas of 'Grow old with me...’ in ‘Rabbi Ben Ezra’, in 1864.

And yes, it hurts to be regarded (and dismissed) as merely a dirty old man (by most young people) for embracing sexuality as a necessary and continuing component of a pleasurable life beyond a certain age! Too many of them think that something as innocuous as an older man enjoying the sight of children playing at the park is symptomatic of a pedophile...or that (as an older man) admiring the superstructure of a nicely endowed young woman is somehow unnatural and perverse (“Yuk! Gross!”). But we live in an age in which social media as well as self-proclaimed authorities (and ‘influencers’) fill their heads with so much absolute nonsense, so you can't blame them too much for these distorted outlooks.

Sadly too, America is the epicenter of a shameless youth culture, created largely thanks to the efforts of multi-billion-dollar marketing and advertising forces in our society that exploit youthfully naïve, narcissistic vanities to make them over into unquestioning consumers of superfluous excess. In that same commercialized social make-over process, older people are also summarily written off and ignored, due to the fact that they (in theory, at least) have lived long enough to be far more discerning and questioning of commercial material socialisations than their far less analytical younger counterparts.

In short, at our advanced stage of life, we geezers are being daily programed by all these Philistine forces to consider ourselves expendable, superfluous and useless, and that includes any recognition of our need for good old, lusty sex in our later decades!

As a medical practitioner yourself, you well know that us humming beans are largely ruled by our hormones and it is tragically true that as we age, both male and female hormones diminish and switch orientations. Enter that dreaded bugaboo known as female menopause, at which point nature communicates to the female body that the fun & games period (i.e. the prime reproductive years) are pretty much over and done with. Men, on the other hand, although experiencing precipitously diminished testosterone levels, generally remain horny (let’s drop the fancy medical terms and call it what it is…) and eager for sex many years beyond that point. Thus, the ‘senior citizen conundrum’ wherein he may desire ‘it’ at any odd hour, but she seems to have a permanent ‘kopfschmertz’ (headache).

Since human mating and pairing successfully (at whatever age) remains the original ‘amateur hour’ (not to mention the bullring of conjugal insecurities), hooking up becomes exponentially harder in old age. Being unable to get (as Jack Nicholson so perfectly phrased it in ‘The Bucket List’) a ‘stiffie’ has, of course, as many psychological causes as physiological ones, but the female menopause obstinately remains as a largely fixed and unassailable physiological barrier in too many instances.

What to do? As you point out, self-stimulation is a useful pressure-relief valve, but rarely does ANY couple manage to work out a mutually agreeable arrangement wherein both get what they want (he, juicy sex and perhaps also some cuddling and hand-holding, if she’s lucky) and her, lots of ‘shared moments of companionable, sentimental intimacy and maybe a little nooky, once in a while, if he’s lucky).

Unfortunately, and acknowledging that all of the above (from noisy physicality to shared sunsets at the beach, et al) are vital to both genders (and here I mean ‘male/female’, period!), there are no easy or simple resolutions for these problematic challenges! And so, we all continue to wander aimlessly down life’s path, each of us in search of some sort of fulfilling compromise between platonic companionship and overt sexuality.

I’ll leave you with a charming experience I had this morning, while walking our (I am married to an amazing Chinese woman) fur-kid, a wonderful female Siberian Husky around the local medical clinic where wifie was having an ophthalmological visit. There was on the same sidewalk, coming towards me, a rather attractive young brunette (truly a ‘hottie’), and I stepped aside to allow her to pass, not wishing to make her feel uncomfortable about approaching a large, unknown canine. Remarkably (to me), she noticed that and came over with the biggest smile on her face to remark about our pup (who is also now a ‘senior’ at 13 years of age) and we chatted amicably for a few pleasant minutes.

There I was, having a great (if brief) conversation with a real babe (in my estimation) and although I took great pains to NOT notice her obvious ‘ample’ female assets, I just felt so damn gratified to not be ‘avoided’ by an attractive woman who was clearly 40 years or more my junior! It truly made my day at a time in my life when just being treated as a worthy, interesting person by a woman is a small epiphany in itself! [But subconsciously and secretly, it undoubtedly also reaffirmed my life-philosophy of striving to remain physically appealing, despite my being only 15 years or so from the compost heap!]

Life’s small pleasures are where you find them! Never say NEVER!

Thanks for the thoughtful & catalytic comments in your article, Katharine!